Sacred Sexuality... how do we create it? Access it? Cultivate it?
In my last post, I introduced the idea of Sacred Sexuality.
Today I want to start the conversation about how we can create and access it so that it benefits our lives, our relationships (to self and others), our health, and our overall sense of well-being.
Equifinality refers to the ability to reach the same result through various pathways. Sacred Sexuality can be cultivated and encouraged in many different ways. I am going to offer you a few of those ways now. Each practice can be done solo. Or you can combine them and practice whatever ones speak to you the most.
If what you read today inspires and resonates with you, I hope that you will stay tuned for more information about the Sacred Sexuality Circles to be offered this fall through Ryan Couples Therapy.
Sacred Sexuality requires us to cultivate a practice of embodying our spirit, opening our hearts and loving and honoring our bodies. We do this through a practice of self-compassion, full acceptance, and releasing ideas of perfectionism. All quite challenging, yet absolutely obtainable if we set our intentions and practice.
Our spirit offers us the wisdom of our wholeness, our uniqueness, and our true nature. Our heart allows us to give and receive, knowing and trusting that we deserve to be loved greatly, and that we are capable of loving greatly. Our body holds the key to all our senses and allows us to feel and experience connection, love, and spirit in a very tangible way.
Perfectionism works against all of this. The idea of having a perfect body without scars, cellulite, fat, wrinkles, and imperfections of any kind, take away from our ability to create sacred sexuality. Our ability to create sexual experiences that are transcendent and transformative has nothing to do with the outer shell of the body, what we weigh and what our physical appearance.
I have a Sacred Sexuality Course starting June 22nd 2020. Learn more by visiting my Wild Belonging online course announcement.
For women, the sacral womb space sits in our pelvic bowl. Whether or not we have an actual womb, this space is the source of creativity, feminine power, sexuality, and life. Often we neglect or ignore this most important area of ourselves and are not connected to it in an organic, positive and dynamic way. It can also hold a lot of negative messages, trauma, and wounds. And therefore, it requires us to connect with it lovingly, so that we can explore, heal and awaken this area in the most auspicious way.
The yoni is the Tantric term for the female vulva and vagina and womb space areas. It is the source of pleasure, female creativity, wisdom, and the life force. In order to access the energy available to us through our yoni, we are required to connect with it, heal it, and awaken it with our loving attention and awareness.
The Vajra is the Tantric term for the male sexual organ. This needs loving attention just like the yoni in order to access its true aliveness and energy.
When we actively practice breathing exercises, movement practices, and meditation practices of loving attention, we can intentionally connect the energies found in our sacral womb space, our yoni/vajra and our heart and use these energies to affirm, validate, and manifest the power and gifts of our sexuality.
Movement allows for the life energy to awaken and flow. It increases blood flow, tones and strengthens muscles and helps us to awaken our bodies. It allows us to feel pleasure, and creates moments of celebration, joy and gratitude in being alive. All of these things are essential aspects of creating a sacred sexual experience. We need optimal blood circulation, healthy muscles, and moments in which we feel truly alive; moments we celebrate our bodies, our life, and the sheer gift of simple pleasure. All of these work together to help us access our sexuality in an embodied and whole way.
Ritual provides structure for our meditation practices, our movement practices, and helps us to create sacred containers that offer us soul-nourishment and deep self-care. Without ritual, our lives lack meaning and can feel rudderless.
When we allow ourselves to integrate movement, ritual, and nourishing self-care practices specifically focused on our sexuality, we enhance and invite the sexual experiences into our life. The Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine are always inviting us to make regular time in our busy lives to create something greater than the mundane, day to day activities. When we do, we thrive, we feel connected to the source of Love, and that inspires us to desire sexual experiences and expression.
Negative, restrictive and damaging messages about sex abound in our society. These often land in our bodies in a very wounding way. Our bodies, hearts, and mind hold onto these messages. They block our potential to create and access our sacred sexuality.
A key aspect of creating and accessing our sacred sexual potential, therefore, is to heal these wounds and to release the messages from our consciousness, our cells, and our hearts.
We can do this through meditation, through setting intentions and through processes and rituals of cleansing and releasing. When we do this, we clear out the toxic sludge that prevents us from feeling, experiencing, and owning our own pleasure and our sexual, erotic desires.
When we heal old wounds and release negative messages, we need to replace these with new narratives of love, light, pleasure, and joy. This can also be challenging, especially if we feel we do not deserve to experience these things and if we are unaccustomed to living with these perspectives and guide-posts.
In order to embrace new positive narratives, we must work on our sense of self-worth. Asking ourselves how worthy we feel to receive love, light, pleasure, and joy. The more we increase our sense of worthiness, the more we make space for these experiences and realities to be part of our lives.
Paradoxically, when we do experience darkness, challenging times, hurt and pain, we can learn from them and use them to deepen our understanding of ourselves. This also can lead us to transformation. The darkness, hurt and pain can be alchemized through our tender attention into light and joy.
The more we increase our sense of being worthy to have a life filled with love, light, pleasure, and joy, the less the darkness dominates. Instead, it takes its rightful place in our lives; a place of valuable lessons and teaching, but not a place of sovereignty.
“Wild Belonging: how to how to honor the intimate connection between sexuality, compassion, and the cosmos” is my online course starting on June 22nd 2020. In the course we will learn how to honor our own rhythms, to celebrate our sexuality and body, to cultivate a well-spring of compassion, to awaken our connection with the powerful, cosmic magic that is waiting to bestow its wisdom on all of us.
Finally, if we want to create experiences of Sacred Sexuality in our lives, quite simply we must invite it in.
We must clearly and directly ask for this in our meditations and in our relationship with ourselves and others. Without setting the intention to clearly invite it in, the doors do not open and the energy cannot flow.
Once we extend the invitation, we must let go of all our expectations and be ready to welcome the honored guest out our proverbial sexual table. We must be open to see it, feel it and recognize the various ways it arrives in our lives.
We must seek out opportunities, resources and ideas. We must be receptive and awake to the energy and erotic life force available to all of us.
We all are worthy to have sexual experiences and relationships that affirm our connection to Love, to our most Divine selves and to our partners in ways that are over-flowing with joy.
If you want to learn more specifics about cultivating and creating Sacred Sexuality, I hope that you will continue to reflect on this in your life. Take time to nurture these ideas. Invite your partner(s) to discuss these ideas with you. Allow yourself the gift of true connection, deep pleasure and fulfilling experiences in which you feel utterly and completely in sync with the erotic energy of the life force.
If you feel ready for a deep dive into this topic, I hope that you will stay tuned for more information to come about my Sacred Sexuality Circles I am offering this fall.
And as always, Peace in the Journey,
P.S. If you would like to learn more, please visit my Sacred Sexuality FAQ page.
Reclaiming Our Heart’s Desires: A Path to Recovering from Purity Culture, Religious Trauma, and Sexual Shame
Creating Your Own Pleasure Model of Sexuality
Cultivating Erotic Freedom: Healing from Purity Culture and Sexual Shame
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