Now is the Time to Return to our Heart and the Power of Love
Now more than ever, is the time to return to our heart and to the healing power of love.
I wanted to write this blog the day after the election, but honestly, I didn’t have it in me. I spent the day holding space for my therapy participants who were shaken to the core from the election results. I also spent time walking in nature to soothe my own nervous system. I reached out to all my loved ones and processed things with my partner who has always been my steadfast, loving companion throughout all of life’s challenges, uncertainty, and the darkest times.
The election results are not a surprise to me. While, of course, I hoped for different results, I was not at all surprised.
The sad truth is that this election exposed the underbelly of our country’s history from the time the first colonial settlers stepped foot on the shores of Turtle Island.
We live on stolen land and we have perpetuated harm throughout our history to BIPOC communities. We have oppressed and harmed the queer community. We have abused and exploited immigrants. We have exploited, extracted from, and abused Mother Earth. Our country is founded on these behaviors. We have done all of this to make money, gain control, and wield power.
The feelings of fear, rage, and of not being safe, are NOT NEW for many who live on this land. Those who have been displaced, abused, exploited, traumatized and oppressed in our country for hundreds of years have been living with this pervasive darkness and uncertainty for a long, long time. Other countries in the world continuously suffer from imperialism, colonialism, and genocide. It is embedded in the fabric of their history, too.
While none of this is new, it does seem more unabashedly clear. For the newly elected regime, there is no hiding behind pleasantries. There is no surface level respect just to keep up appearances of being civil.
No, now the newly elected leader and his worker bees are openly abusive. There is no pretending they care for all of us, or that they respect women or people of color or queer people. No, now the newly elected leader and all who follow and support him seem proud of their racism, misogyny, homophobia and transphobia.
“The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free.”
Maya Angelou
My psychotherapeutic lens is one of systemic, non-duality. Which simply means that everything and everyone is connected. What happens to the earth impacts all living beings. What happens to one human impacts us all. Relationships flow within a mutually reciprocal energy so that what one partner does influences the other. We need each other. Community and connection heals. Now more than ever, I am holding tight to this quote of Maya Angelou. I have spent my career holding this truth as my guiding light.
My work as a psychotherapist and sex therapist has always been inspired by both my own personal journey, as well as caring for others and my passion for creating space for others to heal and grow. I am honored that my work is about walking alongside my therapy participants.
I see my role as the psyche’s wilderness guide who holds the light, carries the map, and offers the provisions; encouraging therapy participants to trust their choices, trust their voice, listen to their deepest intuitive knowing, and live from a loving, energized, wise embodiment.
As I have evolved as a therapist over the last 25 years, my growth has included a deepening commitment to decolonize my life and my practice. Throughout the years, this has taken many forms. As I have learned, I have also unlearned. I am unlearning beliefs, practices, messages, and ways of living that, originate from and contribute to, colonialism, white supremacism, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and racism.
Purity culture has always been an insidious helpmate for white supremacy, christian nationalism, colonialism, homophobia, transphobia and misogyny. Born from the beliefs upheld by these systems, purity culture perpetuates theses ideas:
~ There is “one true way”
~ Only heterosexuals deserve love and happiness
~ White, able-bodied men are superior
~ Women’s bodies belong to the men in charge
~ Anything that falls outside of heternormativity, is a sin to be punished
This way of thinking has been gaining powerful traction in our country for decades.
Now more than ever I am committed to work with those recovering from purity culture, sexual trauma and shame.
To work with women who long to craft a life inspired by their intuitive gifts, embodied wisdom and soul’s truth. To work with those within intimate relationships who desire to create loving, equitable, nurturing, and empowering relationships.
I believe that my work as a psychotherapist is one way to be part of dismantling the lies and rhetoric of white supremacy and colonialism.
I am a sex therapist because I believe in:
~ The basic human right for every person to be safe in living, loving, and seeking the heart’s true path.
~ All of us deserve liberation from oppression, judgement, harm and fear.
~ The basic human right for all to express their gender, sexuality and erotic creativity in the ways that is aligned with their soul.
~ Intimate connection to one’s self and to beloved others deserves to be uniquely and authentically expressed.
~ Pleasure and joy are essential aspects of our humanity and our wholeness.
~ All of these things are essential ingredients for living a life of erotic liberation with a felt sense of safety.
We have only to look at history, to see that when any group has been “othered”, terrible atrocities occur.
As the circle of who is safe narrows within this country, it is time for all of us to continue to use our voice, do our work, and use the power of community to create change.
Time to Return to our Heart and the Power of Love
During painful and uncertain times in my life, times when I felt that the darkness would last forever, the thing that saved me always was LOVE. And while that sounds trite, it is TRUE.
What truly matters is the love we express, share and give. The love we allow ourselves to receive. The love we create within our relationships, through our work, in our voice and in our actions. The love we offer as a healing balm for ourselves and in community.
Yes, this is a dark and uncertain time. And yes, I still believe in the goodness and the tremendous capacity for LOVE to prevail.
I renew my commitment to my work; renew my commitment to unlearning beliefs that keep me stuck in my own privilege; renew my commitment to being present, taking action, being intentional about how I show up in this world.
I will strive to the best of my ability to make sure that my therapy room will continue to be a sanctuary from the harshness of this world.
I am committed to walking alongside every therapy participant. Together we can:
~ Acknowledge the shadows
~ Tend to the rage and grief and fear
~ Honor the truth of each and every story and experience
~ Celebrate moments of sweet reprieve and seasons of reclamation, remembering and returning to joy and love.
If you are needing support, connection, community and want to to enter this sacred therapy process with me, please reach out. I offer a sliding fee scale if the fee for my services is prohibitive.
May you find moments of rest and love in all the days ahead,
Jane
Jane Ryan
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