Happy Valentine’s Day!
I am a believer in letting others know that you love them every day, not just on Valentine’s Day… but since February 14th is a day dedicated to love, I embrace this day joyfully. How can we not be happy for any moment in life which encourages us to express our love and open our hearts? So Happy Valentine’s Day to all!
I remember when my children were little, we would sit around the kitchen table on a snowy February afternoon in New Jersey and we would make Valentine Day cards. Over hot chocolate, I would engage them in conversations: To whom do you want to send a card? To whom do you want to express your love? Who will appreciate receiving a piece of your heart and receive it with the utmost care? As I think back on this time now, I realize that I was encouraging my children to live with open hearts; to value the importance of expressing love, to take the steps to be vulnerable and not hide behind fear. But my questions were also focused on helping them distinguish between people who could be trusted when we open our hearts and are vulnerable, from those who just do not know us well enough to respect, value and receive a piece of our hearts with the care required. While we can strive to be open in general to all of life, when we share the most intimate parts of ourselves, we must choose carefully. I remember that my children would very carefully and intentionally make their cards. Watching them spend time with their little heads bent over their work and their little hands so fiercely and freely expressing what was in their hearts is one of my favorite memories. To this day, it is one of my greatest joys in life to watch my children respect and honor what is in their hearts, and intentionally, openly and directly express this to the trusted, significant others in their lives.
Recently, I had an experience at work in which I asked for advice from one who did not know, respect and honor my heart. This person was not ill-intended in any way, but also they did not genuinely know me and therefore, did not have the level of care required to respond most effectively. I followed their advice and along the way of course, I stopped listening to my true, most authentic voice, which is what happens when we give our hearts to someone who does not truly know, understand or care. In the end, the project fell flat.
Struggling to understand why I did not get much response from the work I put out into the world, I woke up one morning at 3am and had a moment of enlightenment (which often comes at 3am for me). The reason the project had no energy and no life behind it, the reason it did not bear fruit was because the project did not come from my heart. It came from someone else who was disconnected from me, who did not have the level and depth of care for me. I was following someone else’s direction that took me away from myself. I stopped listening to my inner voice that resides in my heart. I trusted the wrong person.
Now I am all for listening to advice from experts and I believe in life-long learning to continue to grow and be our best selves. I also believe in the value of seeking guidance and wisdom from others. But when we are about to share a piece of ourselves in our work or in our relationships, when we are about to express an intimate aspect of ourselves, we want to make sure that we seek out those who are deeply connected to us and invested in our highest well-being. I sought advice from another who did not know me. I asked for help from another who did not understand my heart. And I allowed their advice to determine my decisions and actions. And of course, what resulted was a disconnection. Disconnection from myself and a disconnection from the powerful, positive energy of love which breathes life into everything we do.
If we are to be vulnerable and open our hearts, whether it is in our work or in our relationships, we must do so as I did with my children when they were young. We must ask, “Who knows me, and who is truly interested in helping me become my best self? To whom do I want to open my heart? When I reach out, who can I trust to respond to me from a place of respect and deep understanding of who I am? Who will care for my heart when I share it with them?”
Listening to our hearts and then expressing the deepest, most precious parts of ourselves both honors and nurtures love. When we reach out to others, and we carefully and intentionally choose those who know our hearts, we honor the importance of expressing our deepest authenticity. And when we honor this authenticity and allow it to determine our choices, we are nurturing love in all its beauty, truth and power.
